24/11 AEW Dynamite MJF v. CM Punk Promo

MJF: You wanna go toe-to-toe with me on the stick, Punk?
Well, too bad.
'Cause I'm about to verbally finish you
quicker than your UFC career.
MJF: I heard you the first time.
So check your watch, Papa Punk,
because if you decide to retort,
it won't say "Clobberin' Time".
It'll say "out of time".
You can drop cute little pipe bombs all you want.
'Cause I'm MJF.
And I drop nukes.
PUNK: I'm so disappointed in you.
But let's not start there, let's...
show you--our guest a little bit of Chicago hospitality,
I wanna thank you first and foremost for last week.
You introduced yourself to me.
That's what a proper young man is supposed to do to their elders.
And I had no idea your first name was "Maxwell";
this entire time, I thought "MJF"
stood for "My Jealous Fan".
See, I got the time!
Seems like it's still kinda does, doesn't it,
If you're so hung up on the fact that I never mentioned you
anytime I did press,
anytime I ever did an interview,
I never brought your name up;
Well, that was by design.
The last thing I wanted to do is feed your rotten little ego.
Look at me, Maxwell, I'm in your head.
Probably has a lot to do with the fact
that there's a poster of me on your wall.
Doesn't change the fact that I'm disappointed.
Because I've always heard about the great MJF,
and then last week,
I did what nobody else in this industry,
nobody else in AEW has been able to do:
I shut up the great MJF,
without saying a word.
And you had seven days.
You had a whole week to think of good zingers
and you came out here,
with the lowest hanging fruit.
He thinks he's somebody!
He thinks what he does is revolutionary
to the wrestling business, when in reality,
he's just a less famous Miz.
MJF: Okay, settle down, settle down, settle down!
You know, Punky, that was really solid, I mean,
really creative stuff, you know, it was...
almost what I wanted.
Come to think of it, that phrase, "Almost what I wanted,"
kinda perfectly encapsulates your whole entire run
here thus far, don't you think?
I suppose it's true.
Nostalgia is a drug
that causes us to misconstrue our memories,
and you, my friend,
are no more than nostalgia.
And guess what, bud, you were right!
I was a fan! I'm not ashamed to admit it!
How couldn't I have been?
I mean,
in this ring, on the microphone, nobody could touch you,
you were the best.
Or so I thought, Chicago.
Because ever since your ol' mighty return,
you've struggled to beat the easiest of competition,
and you've struggled to say, quite literally,
anything of intrigue.
Oh my God!
Your breath smells like shit.
It's probably because you've been kissing so much ass recently.
I mean, you have been robotically kissing ass
all over the place.
You know what, I'm gonna do a little impression of you real quick.
Chicago, do you mind if I give you a quick impression?
"It sure is great to be back here in
[robotically] insert name of town.
I sure do love being a part of
[robotically] insert name of company.
Gee whiz, I sure am looking forward to my matchup against
[robotically] insert name of opponent."
Robotic, puckered up Punk.
You've gone soft, man.
Your hair's going gray,
and based on your eyes,
if anybody needs to go to sleep...
It's you, bud.
You know what, ladies and gentlemen,
something just hit me.
This is no longer CM Punk.
This is "PG Punk".
What happened to the guy I grew up on, man?
What happened to the renegade,
the asskicker,
the outsider,
'cause you might as well be coming out here
preachin' Hustle, Loyalty, and Respect.
Except here's the problem, PG.
I can see you.
Hell, I can see through you, buddy.
You claimed you'd only come back for the younger talent,
and yet you also claimed,
you'd only come back for a boatload of money.
You claimed you couldn't fix professional wrestling
from your couch in Chicago,
and yet you stayed put on that couch,
for seven long years.
Excuse after excuse,
not to come back, por qué, Punk,
Is it because you're too busy
making comic books nobody read,
and movies nobody saw?
Is it because
you were terrified?
Scared you couldn't hang anymore.
Maybe scared you never could hang in the first place.
And I'm--I have the microphone, Chicago!
And I'm here to tell you,
you should be scared, man.
In the other company, these people look at you like a cult hero,
because they felt you were held down,
you should've been utilized and showcased
as the number one guy.
And now--Yeah, great, and now here you are,
you have all the opportunity to prove these people right,
but can you?
Do you people think CM Punk can do it?
I'm glad they think that now, Punk,
but are they gonna feel that way in a month,
two months, a year?
I don't envy you, man.
But I know,
you envy me.
And I know why you don't like me, PG Punk.
I know why.
It's because I represent everything about this business
that you hate.
I'm every single thing you hate,
because I was born for this.
Oh yeah, I'm a clean-cut professional.
I'm every single wrestling analyst(?), promoter, and pundits wet dream,
while you, on the other hand,
were a scrawny, tatted-up misfit,
from the dumpiest part of the midwest,
known as Chicago!
You had to work your tail off to become the man you are today
and I commend you for that,
but I know what keeps you up at night.
I know what eats you up inside.
It's the fact that after all your hard work,
all your blood, sweat, tears, and sacrifice you've given this sport,
deep down, you know it,
and these people know it,
your whole career,
you've been nothing more
than second best.
Whether it was the "You can't see me" man,
or the King of Kings.
You were never quite up to snuff, were you?
And I can assure you, now that you're standing
in my ring,
in my company,
things will be no different,
because you may claim
to be the best in the world,
but I'm better than you...
and you know it!
PUNK: There's some truth in what you just said.
Little bit. Scared.
Coming back after seven years. A little bit.
See, I'm not gonna lie.
Not even to you.
I certainly never lie to these people.
I didn't know if these people would remember me.
I didn't know if these people would care.
I didn't know if I still had it.
But trust me,
I'm not scared any longer.
Certainly not scared of you.
Because the timing might not match up,
but I was selling out Madison Square Garden
when you were marking out for Rosie O'Donnell.
And the last time,
on this show,
you did a song and dance;
you made the New York Times!
You wanna sing me a song right now, Maxwell?
Don't worry.
You're standing in the ring with a professional,
and you're gonna make the New York Times again,
but this time it's gonna be the Obituaries.
Because you have just enrolled yourself
into a college your parents cannot afford.
You talk too much.
Yeah, just like me, back in the day,
except I always backed it up,
and you can't back up shit
without your backup!
Shawn Spears,
that's how you get things done around here,
and I never mentioned you in interviews
because I never had to.
I looked at AEW and I said,
"Wow! That's the place I wanna be.
That's the place I wanna test myself,"
and I went for the heart and soul of AEW,
Darby Allin, and boy, that just chews you up, doesn't it.
And I beat Darby Allin.
And I didn't need a ring to do it.
You're too busy talking
about how you're the most powerful of the four pillars,
you don't even realize you've been replaced
by Britt Baker!
And while you think you've made some excellent points,
I think you talk too much,
and we've wasted these people's time.
They call Chicago "the Second City"
not because there's a city that's better than it,
not because there's a city that was first,
and you wanna call me number two?
I'll proudly wear number two with a bullet,
because just like Chicago,
they call us the Second City,
because when it burned to the ground,
we just built right back up on top of the smoldering embers.
And who's the man around here?
Who's number one?
Is it you?
No, I don't think so.
The only way you're gonna be number one
is if we all wait around long enough
for Tony to have a daughter
that you marry.
Last time we were here in Chicago,
and hell yeah, I'm happy to be here,
I gave everybody free ice cream bars.
The only thing I can think
that's a better welcome back gift than that,
is punching you in your little needle dick,
right here, right now.

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